Friendships in the Time of Fascism
Much has been written about the time/s we live in. Charles Dickens told us that two things can be true – the best of times and the worst of times can absolutely coexist. Relationships of all kinds, including family, friends, lovers, parents and children, are often praised for standing the test of time, but can they really stand the test of these times?
Can friendships survive fascism? We could go back to 1930s Germany and ask how that went. Guessing there were plenty of families who split over the rise of a fascist dictator like Hitler, and whether or not the “final solution” was really about exterminating Jews or just maybe only re-sorting society in a different way. Neighbor against neighbor, friend against friend, husbands and wives and brothers all facing down the choice to fight, hide, help hide, flee, or just turn a blind eye and hope it all ended soon enough.
We know how that ended. But we also didn’t learn a god damn thing.
In the year of our lord 2025, the blind eyes are being turned so quickly they’re rolling back in their heads. One third of our country voted for a fascist dictator who happens to be a convicted felon, an adjudicated rapist, and an all-around monster of a morally bankrupt human being. However, the price of eggs seemed a little high, and maybe all those migrants keeping our agriculture, hospitality, and many other industries going were all really criminals, and let’s not forget about the millions of trans women trying to wreck sports. The next third of our country voted for Harris or at least against Trump. And then a full, and maybe worse third simply didn’t vote. Because reasons.
We find ourselves in late February, one month in, with an even worse reality than the smartest among us feared. Eggs are not, in fact, cheaper. America isn’t looking great again, and it’s definitely not looking healthy again. The face-eating leopards are out in full force and some really surprised people are wondering why THEIR FACES are being eaten, since they voted for those cheap eggs and “the economy.”
In these times, friendships are being tested, including mine. During the campaign, I generally unfollowed, unfriended, and even blocked a bunch of despicable people that really showed their true colors. I kept some of my conservative friends on the social platforms because they were either not posting or generally apolitical in public. After the election, I just couldn’t bear to live out my grief in front of conservative folks, and I definitely didn’t want to see their bs so I cleaned up a bit more.
What do you do, though, about people you’ve been friends with for many decades? Friends who have been with you in thick and thin. Friends who loved the very best version of you and also the absolute worst version. Friends who love your kids and have invested in your life in every way possible. I count myself a coward for not having hard conversations during the election, and I am still disappointed in my cowardice in addressing our current state of affairs. This is the TIME of fascism and danger and harm and fear, and I, too, am afraid.
I’ve dipped in a bit. I tried to avoid one friend who is an avid, ardent, loyal trumper. She called me on ghosting her, I caved, and we went out to dinner as couples. Until a few hours before dinner, I was definitely going to bring it all up, and then I sat there and ate my steak and talked about kids and the weather and sports. All while my trans friends were being erased and my kids’ coworkers were fearing deportation and eggs just got more and more expensive. I am a coward.
Other friends voted for him, too. Or maybe they didn’t vote for him but they believe both sides are equally bad and they just hope “the economy” improves under FOTUS (felon of the united states, informally). How do I reconcile that? I have two queer kids, and these votes (or not-votes) advanced a terrifying agenda against my own children. With some friends and family, I have tried to approach the topic and I was met with not wanting to talk about it, or giving some answers that just made me a little bit more sad. Once again, I chose the cowardly route and let the conversations end.
So what do we talk about? See above – the weather, sports, our kids, the next trip we’re taking, maybe our jobs, and one friend’s nasty divorce proceedings. That’s all we’ve got that isn’t a land mine that might make the table uncomfortable.
The leopards might come for their faces, too. My demographic is pretty well insulated by zip code, wealth, race, and mighty mighty privilege. But at some point, their favorite nonprofits might go under and their kids might have a queer friend that is harmed, or maybe their housekeeper/lawn service/favorite taco joint might not be able to meet their demands because they don’t exist any longer. I had the perverse glee of laughing in the face of a man I know, because he voted for “the economy” and just learned his taxes are most likely going up $1,500. It felt petty and terrific.
Whether or not this country survives this time of fascism remains to be known. Whether or not friends move forward, whether families survive, or communities stay standing depends upon a lot of factors. It’s so bad one month in, maybe it won’t take so long for most folks to learn what has happened or what they have done. It’s likely some will remain blissfully contented with their vote and their president, believing better times are just around the corner. I don’t want anyone harmed, truly. But I want to know there’s more to friendship in this time than the price of eggs and this elusive economy.