Women at 50 and Then Some
A few years ago I turned 50. In the last handful of years, lots of my girlfriends are hitting the milestone as well. Lucky me, I had a great birthday and transition to the half-century mark, in good health and relationships and life.
Today, a dear friend turns 50 and I am marveling at her life and outlook, and it’s caused me to think of the choices we get to make surrounding these years. It’s also made me realize I’m surrounded by some of the most amazing women.
My friends have demonstrated that 50 means leaving an abusive relationship. It also can mean turning toward sobriety. 50 means going back to school to get your master’s degree because you’ve always known you’re smart and it’s time to get that done. 50 means doing a 180 politically and realizing you’ve been on the wrong team for too long, or you’re moving off the apathetic sidelines and getting into the game because you know it’s so damn important for our country.
It’s a great decade to finally conquer health problems. Sick and tired of being sick and tired sounds cliché, but many of us women live like that for so long. We pour all our resources into making sure our kids, parents and partners are healthy, but we suffer on the shelf because of it. Seeing my friends have their first mammograms, colonoscopies, biopsies and surgeries is inspiring. Watching friends take control of their health motivates me to do better.
50 is an excellent year for a woman to take a good look at her body and say “Oh hi, I know you. You’ve served me well, birthing those babies and running those races and doing that work and serving your community.” This is a great year to be honest with ourselves about our weight and what it means in our lives and whether or not it defines us. Do we want to spend ANOTHER 50 YEARS promising to lose the weight and get back in shape (whatever that means) and look like what we think other women look like that we admire and envy? Letting go of that BS. and just accepting the lumps and scars and jiggles as the BADGES OF HONOR THEY REALLY ARE can be one of the best days of our lives.
Move on and buy the cute clothes in your size. Report back.
I’ve seen women choose love and authenticity at this milestone, coming out and being bravely proud to be gay, trans, queer, non-binary or just figuring it all out. I’ve watched Black women my age stand up and say “Enough. I am a Queen, and I’m going to fight like one.”
We women spend the first half of our lives investing in friendships, careers and things that sometimes don’t serve us well in the end. Can you imagine what it would be like to break those cycles now, and teach our younger sisters and daughters to do that BEFORE turning 50? Yes.
And I pause for the women of this decade, this turning point, who are stuck. Maybe their kids have grown and left and they don’t know what else there is. It’s normal and natural (see above) to pour our lives into our children, but if there’s no life left after they’re gone, can we find one? I say yes, because what’s the alternative? Starting something new at 50+ isn’t for the faint of heart. It might mean gong back to school, changing careers, becoming a full-time volunteer or activist, or even leaving a empty relationship. We are ALL HERE to hold your hand and show you our mistakes and share our bravery and our own fears and walk with you into the next chapter of light and love and learning.
Happy birthday to my life-sister who turns 50 today, and to all of us on this journey of adjusting our crowns and turning toward the good to come.